Being a Mom

Growing up I always thought I wanted more than 1 kid, then I had a kid. Now, I'm not saying I don't want another kid nor am I implying Lucas is a bad baby; in fact, it's quite the opposite.

However, I didn't know it would be this hard. There are times this 'job' is lonely, like when I'm home with him or when I have to nurse him when we're around company, but Andrew is great at supporting me and taking care of Lucas and myself. There are things I used to quietly judge people on ....like not being able to do things around the house...I thought do it when they sleep or they'll just play on the floor and be happy or your husband can watch the baby. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. Now, while I never thought bad of people for those things, I just thought, "oh I'll make it happen...I'll get the dishes washed, I'll still clean the house, it won't be that hard to do laundry, cooking dinner won't be that hard, etc" Are those things getting done? yes, but in time, not on my time, on Lucas's time :) He is truly a blessing to our lives. Sometimes I sit and look at him and just cry because I am overwhelmed with emotion and how much I love him. I have to admit, at other times, I get so frustrated and upset because I can't do it all; never at him, just at me for not being able to get it all done. So this comes to our friends and family who have done so much for us, they've helped us, fed us, visited us, loved us, and most importantly gone above and beyond for us and Lucas...we cannot say THANK YOU enough.

Motherhood is the greatest, hardest, most confusing, stressful, amazing job ever. I am constantly second guessing myself with decisions we make, should he be in his crib for every nap? when should I try to make a schedule/routine for him? am I holding him too much? am I making the right decision? has he eaten too much? or not enough? should he have a bottle all day and only nurse in the morning and night, to adjust to what it'll be like when I return to work? how can I prepare myself and him to leave him with a sitter? is it ok to let him sleep all day (if that's what he does that day)? how many naps should he take?

People tell you all kinds of advice, but it's true, you've got to do what works for you and your baby and your family...I just wish there were answers to that--like what's best for us. Yes, I go on gut and feelings, but I still question myself at times.

Everyday is a new learning experience, here's to many many many more days and years of this experience.

Now to the reasons I do this all, whether it's hard or not.....