The First Night

The First Night came on February 24, 2014...what is the first night? The First Night Lucas every slept all night was last night. I can't believe it. It's just one more step to him growing up. I know this is what we ultimately want, and until last night I remember dreaming of this day for the past 3 months...thinking oh what it will be like to sleep one night again and NOT wake up and have Lucas sleep all night?! then it happened and I cried!!

Yes, I said it, I cried!! I cried because my baby boy is growing up so fast!! I am so proud of him, but a little part of me was just so sad (and almost in disbelief)!  Of course, I woke up at 5:15 and thought really he hasn't woken up? And second guessed myself and wondered did I go feed him? (sometimes I forget the feedings depending on how tired I am). 

 It started Saturday night where he slept from 8pm-4am at Gigi and Pop's house. Gigi put him to bed while we were in Atlanta at the Supercross after taking care of him that day-she did a great job-they wore each other out, and he went down well that night. Then the next night, he slept from 8pm-5am, which was amazing, but I didn't think there was any way that he would move to sleeping all night so quickly as in the week before he woke up 2 to 3 times a night for a few nights...just getting back into routine, I guess?! Who knows if this will continue tonight or every night, but it's a great accomplishment and milestone! 

Another monumental thing happened this morning, something no woman should ever be upset about...but I woke up, got dressed, and my pre-pregnancy work pants fit!!! I was a little sad about this, too. Why in the world would I say that? I'm not sad the pants fit, I'm more sad because it symbolizes one more step of moving away from the pregnancy/newborn stage. I am not sad to leave this stage, but if you have been pregnant you'll probably understand that there is a small part of me that AT TIMES does miss being pregnant....and leaving this stage is just finalizing that. I am excited for this, please don't mistake my mixed emotions because it's a great feeling (to fit into my pants OR at least this pair LOL)!

Oh motherhood, you are surely tugging on my heart strings this week!! 

3 Months

Our little boy is 3 months old as of February 21, 2013. I can't quite believe it. Where did the time go? Where did my 5lb 15oz newborn go? What did I do over my 10 weeks of maternity leave? Why does time seem to move so much faster with a baby? Oh, no one can understand how my heart aches thinking of these things except those who have asked all of these same questions and more. I love my little boy so much. He truly makes us so happy everyday. He's coming into his own at 3months. He loves to laugh and talk to you. He has a new little random squeal that's adorable. He enjoys batting/hitting things above him. He likes trying to sit in his jumper and move about. He loves to push up and stand on his legs when you hold him. He loves sitting up and looking around. He has gotten into a good routine, he's even gotten good at going to bed. I thought it was never going to get easier, even if asleep when laid down, he would wake up and cry/whine ...we thought this would last for a few days, maybe a week or so...but it seemed/did last for WEEKS. I would say to Andrew when is he going to just go down? I mean I'm not going to get him the moment he wakes up and cries. I asked for it, I wanted him to go down and stay asleep...not only has he started doing that in the last week, but he's even gone to bed being awake (drowsy but awake) and fallen asleep with minimal or no crying/whining...I asked for it and my big boy is doing it. Yes, it's taken him weeks, but he's come into his own and he's even sleeping longer (the past few nights) for 8 and 9 hours at a time!! How exciting, but another sign that he is growing up...Yes, it's what I want, yes, it's a good thing, yes, it's supposed to happen, and yes, I am proud, but again it's all just signs he's growing up and to me it's all passing by too fast. The past 3 months I have been tested in ways I never knew possible, I've had things happen I never knew existed, I've experienced such a range of emotions that I am unable to explain, but every single moment has taught me something, and I would NOT trade a single minute of it. I love that little boy more than he will ever know or understand. Sorry ladies my boy is going to be a mama's boy, no, not a sissy, but he's going to love his mama, because his mama is so in love with him!

Notice the sticker is NOT oh him...he moves too much to allow it to stay on his shirt..much less see it in the picture!

constantly moving

loves tummy time and chewing on his hands/anything :)

Mommy Guilt

Over the last 13 1/2 weeks I've experienced something I'd like to call "Mommy Guilt'. If you are a mom, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about without me explaining. In the last 2 weeks since being back to work the Mommy Guilt has intensified. Every afternoon once we get home I have 4 hours or less with my little man, so every minute that does not HAVE to be spent doing something else, I am with him, whether it's snuggling with him, playing with him, talking with him, feeding him, reading with him, holding him, loving on him, bathing him, preparing him for bed, and anything else you can imagine.....the ONLY thing I will do/consider doing before he goes to bed is cooking supper...everything else MUST wait. Or at least that's how I feel. Speaking to a fellow Mommy friend, I know I am not crazy, thanks Jenn for reassuring me!

I am I am doing what's right for me and my family. Every night after Lucas goes down around 8pm, I have a list of to-do's from dishes, preparing lunches, prepping/washing his bottles, etc...but it's worth the time spent after he goes down if it means I get that quality time with him while he's awake.

It's not that I would rather do these other things, I just have the feeling that I NEED to do these things. I've found that YES, I do need to do those things, but those things can wait! That's what I've learned and how I've dealt with it. I love my baby boy more than I ever KNEW possible. I never understood this love until I met my baby boy!

The other stuff will get done, but it's most important I spend time with my baby and my family! So to those moms with Mommy Guilt, I feel ya, it's hard, just keep on going and try to stop feeling guilty. I am learning it's ok to do things without your baby, enjoy your 'me' time, enjoy your adult time, enjoy things you love to do, and try to not feel guilty (this is what I'm telling myself), but if you're like me, the things you enjoy doing now all focus on and revolve around your baby!

Being a mommy is hard work and some days are filled with tears, some are filled with laughs and smiles, some are filled with lots of yawns, but one thing is for sure....it's all worth it for those little ones we love so much....like my little one below.

Our Newest Valentine

This year was the 10th year Andrew and I have celebrated Valentine's Day together, but this year was a little different....we added a new Valentine, our little man, Lucas.

Every year since being married, we've done our own thing on this day. Andrew has brought home a special meal to cook for us...it makes it nice to share this time together without all the fuss of crowds, long waits, etc....plus this year with Lucas, it was a lot easier being at home rather than out and about.

We had a beautiful meal prepared by Andrew (mostly, I helped a tiny bit). It was a great day because Andrew was home for the day (working, but home) and so was I and Lucas...with the ice storm that kept everyone locked inside.

And to round off our already exciting week of mostly no school and lots of ice...we experienced an earthquake that night around 10:30. It was one of the scariest moments ever, it was a 4.1 magnitude earthquake with the epicenter being about 12km from Edgefield, wow!!! It was felt all the way up here and even past us to Charlotte!! It sounded like a helicopter and it shook the whole house, eeeek!! Luckily no damage, just a Valentine's day no one is sure to forget anytime soon!! Thankfully Lucas slept right through it all :)

New Mommy Status

The last few days of ice and snow have allowed me some extra time with my 2 boys at home---I'd like to think of it as an extension to my maternity leave and with the exception of the damage and loss of power that others have experienced I have thoroughly enjoyed this time at home with them!! Granted it's hard to just stay indoors, but I did become a pro at it when I was on maternity leave :) However, I will take these extra days at home with my little sweet thing and his daddy any day!!

While being home I started thinking about how much being a mom has changed me, and of course, for the better! As a new mom, you learn so much, heck as an experienced mom, you learn so much, but those first days and weeks are HARD...do you hear me? HARD. But we made it through, and with each new phase/change comes another hard experience, but for the time being, it doesn't feel as hard.

Going back to work was tough and the first day was the hardest. I cried a little bit less each day of the week, but it was still hard. We had a faculty meeting after school my first day back and Andrew was at work a little later than normal...so all in all...it left for a hard night...a tiring night. The mornings are also hard, trying to balance all that needs to be done and in a timed manner....but after just one week, I felt like we were getting into our own groove and routine. I know everyday will not be easy, but I am here to tell all those new moms ....it gets easier.

Saying goodbye gets easier (not ever fun or easy, but easier)
Finding your routine/groove gets easier
Balancing work/wife/mommy/homemaker status gets easier

Now, of course, this all is dependent on your little sweet thing and how he/she feels that day/that moment/etc, but it does get easier...at least I feel it has for me and I hope that continues because I need that boost that I'm doing this and doing pretty good at it.

Here's a look at my baby boy...12 weeks on 2-13-14...He makes even the hard moments better!! These were taken in back to back in a multi shutter so it's a real portrayal of his expressions :)

I heard someone say once "The days are long but the years go by so fast"...as he grows I'm beginning to see what they mean...

First Week Back

I made it....one week back to work...I made it. It was hard, every day...It got easier, but was hard.

The hardest part of course was (and is) saying good bye to my baby boy.
Another hard part was (and is) working through being tired.
Another hard part was (and is) balancing family and work time.

I'm getting better at all 3 but still hard.

He's adjusted really well to staying with Ms. Debby and friends. He's eating and napping well with her. We are very blessed!!


Here's a look at my little man throughout the week.